Friday, March 16, 2012

The BEHAVIOR List:

  1. Cite a "fact" you just made up and see if they believe it.
  2. Change the subject.
  3. Apologize for something random or tangentally related to the topic. Especially if that something makes you look good.
  4. Play dumb.
  5. Miss the point.
  6. Mis-state or misapply previous advice. Cite a secondary authority's misapplied advice.
  7. Try to find hypocrisy in your opponent. Even if you have to imagine it.
  8. Pretend you don't remember anything past 2 minutes ago.
  9. Confess to something. ANYTHING.
  10. Beg a secondary authority to call a hault to the person who is defeating you in an argument.
  11. Grunt
  12. Pretend to be wounded that someone could possibly disagree with you or find fault with your methods.
  13. Try to make them feel guilty for possibly scarring you for life and crushing your delicate self esteem.
  14. Cite endorsement by a secondary authority.
  15. Claim that EVERYONE agrees with you. Or if not everyone, at least your extremely limited peer group.
  16. Demand that the other party cite 5 people who agree with their opinion.
  17. Act surprised that anyone noticed that you haven't any idea what you're talking about.
  18. Underestimate your opponent. DRASTICALLY. Act offended if they act in any way but the one that you scripted for them in your head.
  19. Claim "you didn't know."
  20. Take all constructive criticism as either "jealousy" of your superior ... whatever... OR "hatin'." Avoid taking anything beneficial from the criticism.