Sunday, May 29, 2011

Dear Doggie: PLEASE TO NOT FEED TEH BEBE TOADS. KTHKSBAI.

It has been raining all day. My dogs do not like rain – and yet… They still must potty. I have been a mean, mean Momma and made them all go outside twice today, but *certain dogs* have been reluctant to poop … Apparently, getting rained on is so distracting that the poopy process is interrupted and impossible to perform.

Those same certain dogs that do not want to poop outside in the rain, are sometimes sneaky. They creep into my basement to poop in the laundry room when it is raining outside. So it is vital that I leave the basement door CLOSED when it is raining outside. Just in case.

Today, I forgot to close the basement door after coming up with a load of clean diapers. Maggie dashed into the basement while my hands were full and I thought for SURE that I was going to have to clean up a “present” as soon as I was able to safely put the baby and all the clean laundry down. Before I could get my cleaning tools together, though, Maggie came back out of the basement. She didn’t look as guilty as she usually does after leaving “presents” for me in the basement… She did, however, look… funny.

Moodles ran to Maggie for their normal joyous reunion, after being apart for longer than 30 seconds. Maggie spat out a live toad on Moodle’s foot… Apparently having a live toad in one’s mouth leads to a very peculiar expression on a dog. Maggie had brought Moodles a present of a different sort… A slimy toad! Hooray! (Normally, I’d correct a person for describing a toad as being “slimy,” because they generally have dry skin… This one, poor thing, was completely coated in dog drool. ) Moodles managed to snatch it up off the floor before it was re-oriented enough to get away… Seeing as it had been good enough for Maggie to eat, Moodles thought that CLEARLY the offering was meant to be food - forgetting that Maggie doesn’t have proper hands for sharing. Moodles nearly put the toad in her mouth, but paused to look at me with her “mischief face,” just to make sure she was allowed. (She gives me the mischief face right before she tries to eat dog food. She knows I’m going to stop her every time, but apparently the fun is in the trying…) As usual, I was the wet blanket and took the toad away. I put it on the floor to see if it was still alive enough to be worth putting outside. Miraculously, I managed to hold back the curious tide of dogs and toddlers who aren’t as clear on the finer points of “personal space,” as I and the toad might have liked them to be. Surprisingly, the toad seemed stunned, but otherwise uninjured. After a few seconds of re-orienting, it made for the privacy of the space under the refrigerator. Moodles thought it was FANTASTIC and shrieked with glee. She lunged for it a couple times, but was knocked out of the way by Maggie who, ever the helpful one, thought I might require assistance in corralling her find. I took the poor little toad outside before his life got any more exciting.

I still have no idea how that toad ended up in our laundry room. I guess now he knows better than to come into THIS house to get out of the rain.

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